She’s a gonna BLOW!~
Look, I know that I can enter any situation, much like a storm, leaving some wondering what exactly just hit them.
And yes, I know, I don’t have enough sense to even entertain the thought that there are things I can’t or shouldn’t do. Once I decide to take something on, then it is “all balls out”, (pardon the expression).
I had a boss once that said she was so used to asking employees for six things, hoping they would complete one. Then I came along and gave her all six and asked what was next. It is just how I roll, and I don’t clearly understand those that can’t produce the one.
I love a challenge, and I especially love the completion of a challenge, so I am always a little stunned when I give someone what they ask for and they don’t know exactly what to do with it, or they create drama to deflect from, their responsibilities to it.
My adventures this week have taken me to that all familiar place… that place where so many of us find ourselves…. a place called, “I am more comfortable with failure than success.” and it isn’t nearly as attractive when forced to watch it, in someone else’s life, then it is experiencing it in my own.
I was confronted by this little “wonderland” again this week in a couple of different ways. One, while I was visiting with my very beautiful, very talented friend Rachel, and we both shared that this is one of our least favorite “vacation” spots, yet we sometimes find ourselves plopped down on its shore, sitting under the umbrella, sipping some fruity drink, as if we were there to stay. I saw it again, when I watched a very talented editor spin himself out of control, and again, in the mirror, when a loving friend sent me a card that she made, for little old me, that read, “If you do not build your own dreams, some fool will hire you, to build theirs.” Well, now…. don’t that just hit the nail on the head?
Now don’t get me wrong, some people can work in a job and accomplish great things that propels someone else’s dreams and feel very accomplished. There are time I wish that were me… but it isn’t. For me it is as if someone is trying to rope the wind, and like a wild horse I fight the taming. Let me come on my own terms and all is right with the world.
It is always so much easier, isn’t it, to look at someone else’s dreams and know exactly what they need to do, to make them a reality?
The thing that I am learning, is that just because someone can verbalize that this is their dream, doesn’t mean that they have dealt with all the “stuff” that they need to in order to prepare for success. For some sick and sad reason, some of us are more content to wear failure, or mediocrity, than we are stepping into our God-breathed, God-designed success.
I am also learning to embrace, and honor, the fact that not everyone appreciates a storm, and that is okay.
I love the storm chasers – they get me.They see me coming and rush out and twirl with me. Laughing, dancing, hair and dresses blowing out of control, they energize me and I them. And thankfully, I have several Storm sisters from every walk of life.
I love those that see the storm coming – open the windows and let me blow through – taking it in as a breath of fresh air, embracing me without trying to contain me or control, and I must say, it is this group that have been my forever friends, they let me be me. They know my heart. So even when the winds knock over a favorite vase, they lovingly embrace me, their eyes twinkle and they tell me to blow on, eagerly awaiting the next storm.
My time with God this week, has been a conversation between us about His view of me, and my view of me. How all to often, I try to keep the Storm small in order to not offend the few who hate the storm, giving them way more importance than the chasers and the embracers.
I try to live life smaller than perhaps God intended me too, in hopes to not create chaos, or mess someone’s hair, yet giving myself full “freedom” to “blow” through someone else’s world creating for them, their dreams,while holding back on my own.
I know I was created for great things.
Now, I am not talking about the world as my stage, or world-wide acclaim, but I am talking about adding light to my corner of things, telling the stories that God has entrusted me with, the tales of the many brilliant, eclectic friends that God has enriched my life with. To be the very best version of who I can be, being fully “me.” A child of God.. His wind dancer.
I have had issues breathing this fall. While I know that it is a real thing, I also see if as a metaphor for where I am in my life. Holding my breath for so long that I can’t catch a breath. As if my lungs forgot how to take in air, while panic sets in and I can only feel relief when the air finds me.
There is a huge part of me that hurts when people choose not to “get me”, but I am learning that their fear of the storm… is simply their fear, and has little to do with the storm itself. I know this for sure, as it is the same storm that others choose to dance in, and others open their hearts to, even if they don’t totally understand the need for me to twirl.
I turn 50 this December, life is passing way to quickly for me to waste another moment of it. Perhaps we are not meant to make sense to everyone that we share space with. I certainly don’t fit any mold that my contemporaries want to try to shove me into. This strong-willed, strong-minded, marshmallow hearted, wear my heart on my sleeve, Gypsy, free-spirited, constitutionalist, meat-eating, God-loving, God-fearing woman…. yep, that sounds like a storm a brewin’
So, I guess what I am saying is, for those in my life who don’t like storms, consider this a friendly “STORM WARNING” and batten down the hatches, she’s about to BLOW!