Recently my friend was getting after me for not being all that great at calling her. I am guilty of that. I am not much of a phone conversationalist. But, worse, rarely am I aware that I am alone. I spend a lot of time in my head…I have a lot of stories and characters and some may say.. personalities in there.. so rarely am I aware that I am alone. And as I get older I realize that I really love the role of wall flower when I am in the public. Don’t get me wrong, I CAN be the life of any party, and sometimes that is the role that I find myself in, but… for the most part if I can sit in the background, listen in on the chatter and the stories and snap pictures, I am a happy, happy girl.
There is something about the fall season that settles me. Causes me to sit, to breathe, to take in the the beauty in a new way. Much like the seasons of life. We finally get to a point where we are no longer running and chasing after God knows what… trying to prove ourselves or to be the first and the best and brightest…
This winter I will hit the big FIVE-OH….and I am not dreading it.. it feels like FALL to me.. like a calmness has engulfed me and I can see the vivid colors of life around me…. I feel a slowing down… not in the sense of it is all behind me, but rather that there is enough seasons behind me that I can appreciate where I am , and hold onto those things that remain.
Fallen away are those things that matter less…things like fitting in, keeping up with the fashion trends, and some days even putting on makeup….o.k, most days…not putting on makeup. In its stead, are things like health, and a couple really good friends, and finding ways to ensure that those you love are happy.
I don’t feel the need to “climb the ladder” anymore. Not that I was ever the corporate type, but I certainly felt the pressure to “do something with my life” as if being a mother and wife wasn’t enough somehow.. I hope we are past that…Here in this season of my life I can say that being a wife and mom is the highest calling a woman can be blessed with… I look back on the Spring of my life.. and how strange it felt to express that my only career goals was that of a wife and mom and feel as if others thought I had no drive… Today, at almost 50 I look at some of the young moms who have that career choice and gently whisper “may God be with you”, for I know it is the hardest job they will ever, every have.
Sadly I cannot say that this season comes with profound wisdom from me, it does come with honest reflection and appreciation for all that God has been to me.
It is easier to say no to those things that don’t much matter, and for that alone.. I love FALL.