At times, I found myself in the company of those that I felt the need to just pinch myself to make sure it was all real.
To my delight, it was and I am the richer for it.
Of late, life has taken me on a much different dirt road. One that I would not have chosen to be on, yet I find myself at the bottom of the burm, about ready to break through… in total faith that just over the burm, is my road….the one that I was on…before this little side trip. But, I don’t want to dismiss this little side journey, as it has reminded me of things that along the way, I had forgotten. Things like who I am, and that I am just enough. That I can handle more than I ever dreamed and that I am blessed beyond measure.
Just prior to this little side journey, life had gotten hard. Not everyone that I had allowed front row seat into my life were here for the right reasons. I had let others begin to define me, to “keep peace,” living life based on what others thought I should be doing and less about what I wanted or even what I felt God wanted of me.
I could see the road I wanted to be on…and often times I longed to just jump over the fence and run to it, but I have learned that God doesn’t always give us the quickest route back. And if I were honest, I would have to admit that at times I felt resentful… nothing was working out…. or so it seemed.
Things had happened that made me want to keep others a healthy distance away. I didn’t know who to trust, who was here for the right reasons and who were just more drama waiting to happen. I have learned on this little journey that it isn’t a matter of who can be trusted and who can’t, it is simply a matter of whether I trust myself to handle whatever, or whomever shows up in a way that always keeps me in integrity.
I used to think that when people showed up in my life, and I let them in, only to find out they were toxic, or….. that was MY character flaw… I have learned, that I don’t want to be one of those overly guarded people afraid to get burned.
I have been self writing a lot. That is writing stuff that so far is just for me, perhaps they will get published, but I am not sure yet. But, in my writings I came to the awareness that just because weeds show up in your garden, that you should plow down the whole plot. You simply pull the weeds, learn to identify them and keep as few of them out as possible.
I had that moment of appreciation this week, as I sat looking out over “my life garden,” not a weed to be found. Just rows and rows of “good seed.” It didn’t just happen. It wasnt without pain and loss.
This coming Monday is a turning point for me. Back to the business of living life. I can see it just over this burm.