“At some stage in your life you need to stop fighting for others and look at who fights for you. Only then you will truly know who to cherish and who to fight for.”
― Albert Besselaar
I came across the quote yesterday as I sat on the Coulees overlooking my hometown, and Banks Lake. I could almost feel the coolness of the water as I closed my eyes in the almost 100 degree air. As the dry winds brushed passed, I thought I could hear the laughter of childhood friends as I recalled the times we all spent there as children.
The heaviness of my heart, seemed to lighten as I drank in one deep breath after another. Funny how sometimes the only answers come as you review the scene of the crime.
When I was a child I am not sure that I ever imaged that adults still struggled with issues of love and life. I always assumed that by that time, all things were settled, worked out, and that with age came closure on those things that left you so restless when young, and you just slid into bliss.
My brain has a hard time being quiet even on a normal day, but on this day it was noisier than normal… So much unsettled, the pressure of all the unanswered seemed to be taking over any serenity I thought I had found.
It is hard in those moments to not be frustrated with myself. Frustrated that issues cant just fall away. Emotions can’t just calm themselves, that things that don’t seem to have easy answers, can’t just retire themselves. But, they don’t. Even when I beg God for resolve, for what ever the reason, resolve does not come.
I guess we all have some things that bring pain, perhaps that pain is just there to remind us that we are still alive. I have been accused on occasion that I “over think things”…. I always love that, because it is usually said in a way that makes those that “under think” sound superior. I am an analyst. I think things done and said all have meaning, granted they can be misinterpreted, but they still have meaning. And, even in doing of nothing, one makes a choice…not dealing is a choice…. isn’t it?
It is easy to get caught up in the woulda, shouldas, or the what if’s, the love lost an the missed opportunities, hurts of being misunderstood, or misrepresented. But, no matter what the hurdle, I have come to appreciate that perhaps there is a time in life when it would be best to stop focusing on all the things fought and not won, and calmly rest in the love of those that fight the fight with me.
Even this morning as I continued to struggle with issues that I can’t find resolve for, I gave thanks for all those who continue to fight the fight with me. Who in spite of those aspect of me that can be frustrating, they still allow me the grace and time to work through my issues.
Maybe the best we can hope for is; that not all the demons we face are conquered, but that during the battles we see friends welding their swords in our honor. It is in that moment, we truly know who to cherish, and who in return, to fight for.