Some say it is my ADD and OCD tendencies that make it so. I don’t know for sure. I think it is more from going from a home that was never quiet, to one that is way to quiet most of the time. Although, I do know to be careful for what you pray for. There is quiet, and then there is…. well….QUIET
I dropped Matthew off this morning to catch the bus for camp. Even though I haven’t been feeling well, I hated coming back to an empty house…. I have had some time to get used to levels of quiet. First it was Thomas leaving and then shortly after, it was Luke. Neither of them have felt the need to move back. They love their independence and while they come home for visits, they are doing well on their own. Cole, who is more our “home body” drops in and drops back out, blowing in and out like a storm. I have to admit I love it. It breaks up the stillness. He never stays long, just long enough to re-fuel, and he is off again, to the next adventure.
I guess I mostly miss the rustle of the boys in the basement. Luke practicing his guitar in his room. Thomas and his buddies wrestling in the basement and Cole flinging things from the closet while he looks for the desired hunting or fishing gear. Matthew is quiet, but when he is gone, I hate knowing that he isn’t going to be jumping out from behind the door to startle me, or come up stairs to share some useless information with me. Okay, well, useless to me….. to him, it is amazing info…. the inner workings of the computer, or some new program, or other such things that make my eyes glaze over….Or, him asking me what’s for dinner, which makes me laugh, because he doesn’t care what’s for dinner, he just wants to know that I have a plan.
Oddly, it is hard for me to focus in the quiet. I do much better with the distractions of my kids. Even Daisy, my dog, seems restless in the stillness, staring up at me as if I am going to come up with some mind-blowing discussion topic.
It’s often as if life is in black & white when the house is empty. And, somehow it goes into vivid colors as they walk to the door. I had one desire when I was young. To be a wife and mom. I could never have planned for life after. It wasn’t even in my thought process.
I can hear some of my friends, even as I type this, asking “what is wrong with you?” I would kill to have some quiet time…. Yea, I get that. I like it too. I love traveling in the jeep by myself, I love sitting on the edge of the coulees, or laying in the middle of a field, just me and God and the bugs…. but, when I am home I like a full house. I like a ton of people to cook for, I love the laughter and the craziness.
Call me weird, but I really hate a quiet house.
A Cowgirl Called 