Is this what Joy feels like?


I’m a mess… really. Completely in love and spent over a little man I haven’t really met yet. It is an emotion that has been building…. An emotion that had totally gob-smacked me last night as I had the honor of photographing Rhett’s parents.

I can recall being a young mom, already a mom of one, when Rhett’s dad was about to be born. I worried that somehow I wouldn’t be able to love another child the way I did our first son. It was an obsession late in my pregnancy. I worried about my ability, or inability to love more than one child. I felt so in love with Thomas, our first, that I wondered where the love would come from for this new little one.

Maybe parents go through that, and it is a common experience. But, I learned quickly that there is no limit on a parents love. Each of our babies, dug my love well, deeper. Each of them have a piece of my heart that belongs solely to just them…

When strangers would ask, “what do you have?” referring to which sex… I would always answer, “one of each.”  While I was blessed with four boys, to lump them all into one category based on sex….. didn’t adequately describe or define my boys. They were, and are so uniquely themselves, that I just never felt that placing them all into one group seemed right.

Each of them are brilliantly amazing in their own way… Rhett’s daddy, our second, was my creative, artsy musician…. a heart breaker… a take no hostage kind of guy… ran.. not walked, to his own rhythm. Lucas is not defined by others’ expectations of his abilities, and doesn’t allow perceived inabilities to stay in his way for long. He is not just a dreamer, but an achiever and he gives no one the right to define him in any other way, then who he chooses to be.

He was the one, of our four, that could push me to the edge of sanity and just as I was about to jump throw me a lifeline in the way of a smile, a song, a note, a deep sentiment that had been tucked away for such a moment.

As I snapped photos last night, I fought back the tears as I watch our son, be “spent” over this little man that we have all yet to completely meet. “Spent” over his desire to tend to Rhett’s mommy. “Spent” over finding the perfect moments to photograph all that he was feeling, experiencing, as he moves into this cherished calling called daddy-hood.

As the sun set and one single tear escaped and landed on my cheek… I wondered, almost out-loud, so, “Is this what JOY feels like?”  Without hesitation, I felt my heart call back… YES!



Published by renegroom

I am a wife, mom, granny and freelance writer and photographer living in Washington State Wine Country. I love to write about the amazing things I see, and the brilliant people I meet down the dirt roads of life.

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