It’s raining today, and that is o.k with me. Usually I would be worried about things like, is the hay down? or how will this affect the carrot harvest, etc.. But, today those things have to take a back seat… as rain seems to be the best backdrop, the only backdrop, for the cares of the day.
My day started off usual, but more sober then most. Seldom, am I without the words, but today…. there just weren’t any. My heart so heavy knowing that my friend had to put down her beloved Jazz yesterday, and that today was going to be equally as hard, as she mourned her old friend.
There are things, that we; those of us entrusted to the care of keeping of animals, have to do that aren’t easy…..And, if you are someone that not only loves animals, but are committed to the proper care of them… then I think making those harder decisions are not just heartbreaking.. but more aptly described as heart ripping…
Danette is a not just a cowgirl.. she is a friend of the horse. Driven by, compelled to, the proper care and keeping of her horses. Every details, every time, seems to be her montra.. “How is the saddle fitting? IS that the right blanket? Double check your bit”…. are things you will hear her say, no matter who is doing the saddling… It isn’t enough that, that saddle and blanket combo worked last time, she needs to know that it works this time…. You don’t even have to be someone she knows to hear her plead, “Soft hands….use soft hands” when seeing a rider who is being to harsh.. Or a “let that animal have it’s face” when she sees a horse fighting for it’s ability to collect itself………
I don’t know half of the stories that Danette and Jazz share.. someday I will know them all.. but today, it is enough to know, that she is missing a beloved friend.
The last few months, it was hard for me to watch not only Jazz hurting, but also the hurt in Danette’s eyes as she went through the mental anguish of deciding how to let go…A journey, no matter how close we are as friends, I could not take for her. Yet, in the end, as she always does, she decided that the best thing to do was , to do what was best for “someone else” was the right decision, even at the very expense of her own heart.
So this morning, as I made my way out to my husband’s office to deliver something he needed, I set the radio to a jazz station, which I never do. I rolled down the windows and let the cool air blow through as my own tears rolled down my cheeks… The darkness, the heaviness of the clouds, seemed reflective of what I know my friend is feeling today… so let it rain…. I say… Let even the skies cry… for it seems right…… As the rain fell on the horse heavens.. the Jazz playing on the radio, a crack or two of thunder in the distance and the windshield wipers clapping away… I thought for just a moment…. My heart imagined that there was Jazz … her coat the color of the blackened sky…. galloping off… wild and free. And, all I could think to say was… “Oh that Jazz.”