I dont know about you, but when I am reading a book, I tend to not be able to stop reading it until I hit a chapters end. Then, if to many days have passed since I last picked up the book, I will go back and re-read the last several pages of the chapter I just completed, so that I am clear as I move on into new territory.
I find that when the end of a year comes, I am much the same. I like to see it to the end. And, sometimes, I spend the first day of the new year making sure that I am Okay to move forward. Making sure that I have dealt with those things that I can change, and lay down those things that I cannot. I love to make sure that I have a clear plan for the days and weeks a head, and that to the best of my ability I have set my course for a successful new year.
I spend time in prayer, laying down those things that I can’t see resolution to, and have been known to make last minute phone calls to ask forgiveness, where I know I need to.
I wish I could say that there is nothing that drags itself into the new year.. of course there are, even though I try to do my best to minimize its impact.
I try hard to be clear on who it is I want to be in the new year. I use to feel that we were just pawns in this cosmic game of life, but today I am aware fully that we create, in part the life we have.
Here is what I mean by that. Stuff happens in our lives that we cannot control, but what we do have control of is, how we choose to let if change us. People will disappoint. People will show up smaller than we hoped. People will hurt others, and refuse to take on their own stuff… None of that we can control, but we can chose to not allow their smallness to control who we chose to be. It requires hard work, self control, and the sheer determination to choose joy….But choose joy.
Oddly enough, forgiveness comes easy for me. What others may get stuck in; in assuming that it doesn’t, is that to me, forgiveness doesn’t mean you get constant access to me. Nor does it mean that I feel the need to protect your dysfunction, or continue to play a roll in it. I have learned to not expect those who are not enlightened about their own stuff, to be any more capable of being able to see me clearly… and I have found great comfort in the saying that “what others think of me isn’t my business.” When I make it my business, I give them power over me that they should never have.
I love New Years….. I love taking the time to look back and glean those things that I have valued about the year past… the lessons I have learned, the friends who have proven to be tried and true and move into a new year, where we get to move into a new experience.. take our friendships to new heights, sweep away all the things that could, if we had chosen them, bog me down and left me hurt and wounded.
Last night, the last day of 2014, I gave thanks for those who came into my life for lessons learned, who brought with them pain, showing that I could withstand it, showing myself that I am stronger that I thought. I thanked God for the amazing opportunities that came, that constantly remind me of the brilliance that surrounds us if we choose to see it. I thanked him for the amazing friends who choose to know my heart, for a family that love each other well. For those friends that choose to be more family than friends… who strengthen me in ways that are breath taking.
I started two jars… 1). holds some unresolved hurts that I needed to let go of.. give them to God and not take them back.. this morning I burnt them….. as an offering of sorts…. 2) and My gratitude jar…a reminder come the year’s end of all the things that I need to be grateful for.
At the conclusion – I simply stated…..”And So It Begins.” A New Chapter to fill with great adventures. Welcome 2015