I have spent much time, perhaps too much time, contemplating things that I thought perhaps there may not be answers to. Questions that mostly begin with WHY. Why is there pain and suffering? Why does it seem sometimes that evil prevails? Why do we do what we do, sometimes? and why do others do what they do?
I have doubted karma, scoffing in it’s face when I hear things like, “what goes around, comes around,’ Love always wins, and … Cynical I know. … But, it has just been where I have been this winter.
Today, I woke like any other morning. It seems my mind waking even before my body wanted to move. Already thinking of the list of things I knew the day would bring. Feeling empty, again. Tired, again. Unfulfilled again. Yet, content in an odd way. One that lends itself to just hit the alarm and pull the covers back over my head and pray that another fifteen minutes will change what the last few months hasn’t.
But, something pulled my feet to the floor. One step in front of the other until I reached the living room…. my phone and computer await. Checking them before heading to the hot water kettle was a mistake as 46 emails were “calling” to be answered.
As the morning began to unfold it seemed to require me to give more and more of myself away.. To be present for someone else and in the business of it all, I got it.
The answers to the whys.. Had I not felt pain, how would I recognize it in another? had I not experienced evil, how would I know the warmth of goodness? Had I not felt the fatigue, how would I appreciate the energy my life had been? Had I not experienced lack… How would I be a conduit for more?
It is true, all these cliches… Love does always win.. if we choose to be love…. What goes around does come back around… as long as we let go of the outcome… It cannot travel if we are still attached to it… I have discovered.
It all requires action from us. A shift. A pouring out of self. There is an sunlight that comes in the answers of the whys.