I have always felt I was created for greatness. I know that this sounds.. arrogant, but the truth is, I believe we are all created for greatness. Often times, it is the definition of greatness that trips us up. I always thought that greatness meant a BIG life but, I am learning that it isn’t always the case. There can be greatness in the simplicity too.
I had another awareness yesterday, one that was even bigger than the lesson of re-designing the definition of greatness. This lesson was one on the waiting game.
I hate waiting. If I had to pick just one of my hang-ups and title it as a pet-peeve, waiting would be right up there on the top of the list. It has a way of pushing every button I own. Yet, I find myself there often. It is as if God wants me to get better acquainted with it.
I have been in a season of waiting. Feeling as if I knew what I had been called too, but waiting once again for God to show up to complete the project. I am somewhat ashamed to admit I have been waiting for a couple of years. Getting more and more frustrated as time ticked away. Wondering if God forgot or even if I was waiting at the wrong place.
In the middle of my pouting session, my friend Natalie sent me a “chippper” invite to a class a mutual friend was going to be leading. I had already felt a pull to attend, one that I was certain was a pull of the spirit… although, I couldn’t imagine why….The class is in leadership and well, I didn’t feel much like a leader. I didn’t even feel like I wanted to be a leader. Matter of fact I felt more of a reluctant leader…. one that I had began to resent… Feeling like I needed to scream out, “I’M STUCK AND I CANNOT GET UP.” Hoping that those who were anxiously anticipating my next adventure would move on, on their own and I would let them know if I ever caught up.
As I began to prepare my heart and mind for this class… I decided that while I didn’t know the WHY of taking the class, I would be completely honest with where I was.
The first class revealed that I was surrounded by amazingly talented and strong women. Willing to be as honest about their journey as I was committed to be about mine. There is freedom in the transparency that I found among them.
In my normal snarky, whiney, sarcasm I found myself asking, “Don’t you wish, just once that when you arrived where you feel the spirit is leading that you just find God waiting for you?” It is not my normal. It is always my experience that He shows up right on time. Not a moment before nor a moment after. And while I know he is never a no-show, I panic every time.
As I got home from day one, I felt…. safe… Still unclear as to what God had for me, I knew that I was at least Safe in the experience. He had surrounded me with women who needed nothing from me, knew little about me and no expectation for me, and oddly that was safe.
In case there is ever any doubt as to whether God has a sense of humor let me assure you, he does. AND, he can take our whiney moments and send you a wink and a nod. Here are two perfect examples:
As I climbed into my car after the first class, I turned my phone back on to check any messages. One of the messages was from a publishing company – one I have never EVER contacted with a message that they would like me to be a part of their team. Now the odds are that is call was one of those weird solicitors that is more of a headache then an offer… but, the irony was not lost on me… It was God calling, a subtle reminder that he was there in the midst of my doubt saying, “here’s your sign.” The second moment came as I opened the book to do the first weeks homework… The law of the Lid.
Did you know, that YOU control the lid? SO, it turns out that no, God is not sitting on the lid trying to teach me patience…. It turns out, that He is waiting on ME.. to push open the lid. Now, I know this seems subtle.. But, in truth it is HUGE for me.
So here I am, sitting at the table, the game board neatly in front of me.. me thinking I was waiting for God to make a move, only to discover the move is mine. He, has been waiting on me.