When the laughter stops

laughter fails

As I laid in bed this morning, thinking about the things I wanted/needed to accomplish today, this week, this month, I also found myself reflecting on… well things. Taking a quick evaluation of how I was feeling – and deciding, not to bad. A bit dizzy, but sadly that has become the norm. Tired too, but that is a natural state as well…

As I contemplated the hard things ahead, and the things I would need to do, need to change, in order for my tomorrows to be different, it dawned on me that I hadn’t laughed in a while.  I don’t mean that little giggle I do, or that half-hearted thing.. I mean really laughed.. and I wondered why?

My parents will tell stories of me sitting down to some movie or show and them hearing me laugh, snorting.. only to walk out and see tears running down my face over some silly comedy, holding my ribs and desperately trying to catch my breath… I really love comedy. My kids and hubby are witness too…. I love a good laugh… No, its more than that… I adore a good laugh. It’s cleansing.

But, as I lay in bed this morning it dawned on me, I haven’t laughed a lot lately.. there seems to have been way to much sadness crowding it out, way to much heaviness and hurt and disappointment, and loss.

My friend Stacey and I have deemed “no more”, yet oddly it seems to keep coming..But, I feel the tide changing…..

As I stared at the ceiling from my bed, watching a spider that I was hoping wasn’t going to land on me, I wondered which came first, the lack of laughter or my illness…. ???? what is their relationship?, I wondered almost out-loud. Is there one?

I have decided that I fall into the camp of believers who will say that laughter IS the best medicine.. and with that in mind… My quest has began…. I’m adding it to the list of things to change this summer. No more news in the evenings – we are on a news fast… it is going out with the gluten and other things that are not working for me. I am packing up the hurt, and the disappointments and the heavy things and chucking them out into the trash.

This sad state of affairs that I find myself in, I have decided… is what happens when the laughter stops.

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