Certainly there is a down side to having issues with chronic illness, and honestly it would be easy to get into detail about all of them, and how debilitating it can be. But, there are gifts that come with it as well. No really, there are. For example; I am perfecting the art of slowing down, and learning…. forced really, to be more choosy about where and with whom I put my time. I have also gotten good with not showing up to every fight, or squeaky wheel, and I am truly perfecting the art of saying, no..
I no longer let others persuade me to do things for the sole reason that I am capable of doing them. While it is true that we all have the same amount of time during the day, it is also true that we do not have to shove so much into those precious hours, that one day bleeds into the outlines of another.
I have learned, and am continuing to learn the art of “being”, and not feeling guilty for it… and of learning to stop and smell the… well, oils of life and being still long enough to really witness what they do for my body… interesting how such a thing can strengthen, or calm, or heal. It is amazing what your body will tell you, once you choose to slow down and listen. Or, in my case, are nailed down by illness and forced to listen.
I have always been proud of the fact that I can be given a set of problems and quickly come up with some sort of solution. Now, of course, I am having to use that skill to try and and solve issues that it seems the medical community still has few answers for.
This is what I am convinced of, they have no answers because we are all so different. What brings on a set of symptoms for one person, is different for another… and then, what works, is different. There is a point where, inside an illness, we have to take responsibility for the healing path we take. How blessed are we, that today we can sit down and search the web for answers. And, if we are further gifted with physicians, and health providers who work with you as a team in trying things that may otherwise seem unorthodox to them.
There are days that I feel too tired… and, sometimes those days can turn into weeks… and it is during those times, that I am so thankful for friends who step up and step in, offering new angles, new thoughts, new ideas as to what and how I should consider moving forward… they too gifts, as it isn’t always easy to put yourself out there.
Dont get me wrong, I hate this things…. the spinning, the nausea, the heart palpitations that are all just to much some time.. but, in an odd way it has refined me, it has strengthened my resolve and yes even became an unexpected gift.