There are many things, this time of the year, that call me to take stock of the year that is coming to a close, and lay out dreams for the new one. Things like my birthday, which always calls me to evaluate where it is I have been, where I am going and who I want to be when I grow up, and then of course birthday’s of friends, who usually lead me to saying to self, “I should have spent more time with them, or wow we squeezed every ounce of life out of it this year…”
As years go, this has been a pretty good one, aside the health issues that I am convinced will be a thing of the past in 2016 – not so much because of answers, but rather that of faith…. and well, being just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
But, this year has been gentler to me in the friendship department.. no heart hurt, or betrayal or drama…. I have had bucket list items realized, dreams lived, heroes met, life lived…. I’ve taken on new opportunities that have challenged and supported my dreams, gotten closer to other dreams than ever before, gained and grown into the new title of grandma and Mother-in-law, both making me a better person in a million ways.
I have found peace with issues of the past, let go of things and people who were not serving me well. I have fine tuned those attributes that get me closer to being me. I have learned the art of saying no without being tied to the guilt. I’m getting better at being still.. something my illness has taught me…
I have a greater appreciation for friends who have dreamed with me, and in some cases for me….In all those ways, this has been a more gentle year for me.
In other areas, this year has been brutal. Areas in which I watched people I love, having to say good-bye to those they love, before we could have ever dreamed. I have held hands with friends who have had to lay their dreams down, and not having the words to fill the void. I’ve watched families fall apart, and seen in their eyes that hope seemed lost. Wishing that somehow my words would form some kind of healing suave..but knowing that all I could really do was to listen, and pray and hope….
It is usually about now, that I begin to contemplate, do I, or don’t I. DO I make resolutions for the new year, or do I not? I have learned not to make ones that I will not keep and that I know I will not keep… but rather, I love to tear out pictures from my favorite magazines and begin a new dream board… things that represent what I would like to create in the new year. Things I want to experience. People I would like to encounter.
In just a few short days, I will be 53, a wife for 33 years, a mother for 28 years, a mother in law for three years…. a granny to TWO.. count them TWO grand-babies. I have numerous friendships that have lasted longer than my marriage…
So with all that being so…. my resolve for the New Year is to get comfortable in a place…. a sacred place, and emotion where I know that I know… that I am not lacking in anything.
To press into God in a new way.
To rest in the knowledge that for all my dreams, God dreams for me even bigger than I could ever dream..
For those that I would love to meet or encounter, God has predestined meetings already scheduled for me – all I need to do is to let Him direct my path.
If I could wish one thing for those that I love and who love me so well, is that we would all have a peace filled New Year.. Resolved in our understanding that “God has this.” Resolutions.
A Cowgirl Called 