Still I Wonder


Have you ever stopped and wondered what it is that breaks the heart of God? I don’t mean what “we” the collective do…. I mean “we” as in you and me…..

I have been thinking about “LOVE” lately. Not the romantic kind of love.. but, what does it really mean to love….I will be honest with you.. I am in training…. In my past, I have not always loved well. I’m better. I’m learning that my ability to walk in love – – – –  has nothing to do with how other choose to walk, live, breathe, be…. that, is who they choose to be… rather, knowing that I have to, in every moment choose who I want to be… and in doing so.. I, like a million other things I am working on, turned to scripture for the answers.. and this is what I found.

1 Corinthians 13: 12-13…Now we see but a dim reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope,and love; but the greatest of these is love.

I couldn’t imagine living life without faith and hope. Life is hard. If not for faith and hope for a better day, what would drive us onward? To me these are as necessary as the air I breathe.  So then, if scripture tells us that as important as those two are… LOVE is even greater…….. that certainly tells me a lot about who God is. And, how he wants us to govern our lives. Once I wrapped my head around that…. I asked myself.. “what is love?” Again, the scripture gives us the perfect description…

1 Corinthians 13:4-

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away

WOW! I don’t know about you, but boy that is some chore list for me. Nowhere in that description can I find where it says we only have to love when others are “doing it right.” .  When I am focused on this list as MY own chore list… rarely do I have time for worry about whether others are doing it perfectly. And, I know it has to be one of the things that God mourns over.. when we don’t even try to get it right.

Matter of fact.. I would be so bold to ask out loud if it doesn’t break God’s heart when we continually use his word as a punishing stick for others, instead of a personal road map for ourselves.

This morning as I woke to more news of hate and discontent… this time closer than I would want… I wondered where Love was hiding. It caused me to grieve over the million times I stowed it away and let hate, frustration, and “right fighting”, take center stage. I wondered what would happen if we all just locked arms and said we are staying here until we find collective answers… having the only PLUMB line be… what would LOVE do?

Would love be willing to change its language? Would it give others the benefit of the doubt? Would it dig deep to find the answers? I believe that even an imperfect love like mine, would answer yes.

Certainly I can learn to not say “illegal Immigrants” if it causes some to bleed. And, instead refer to them as Undocumented. Certainly I could put down the picked signs and opt for a more loving understanding of those who don’t understand the shoes I am in. Even I would ask the questions that would help others find security here in the land of the free….. Questions like “why aren’t you documented? is it a matter of money, or paperwork, or job security, or…. even an imperfect love can be a part of the solution. I will never understand your side, nor you mine… if we cannot learn to sit and be with each other. And be willing to carry each other’s burdens.

I  think we are better than the world we are living in right now.. I think we are smarter….. I think we are more clever…. How did we become a people who have fallen for the lie that somehow  all truth lies on only one side of the isle, or the issues? has time not shown us, that these issues are better solved somewhere in the middle? Doesn’t it better us all to try and understand and to come along side each other? Doesn’t it better serve our kids who are watching and learning. What will their heritage be, love or hate?

My heart is broken today. If mine, then it isn’t to hard for me to wonder if God’s isn’t too. My grandpa used to say, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.” I wonder how many of us, are willing to step out in love and be part of the solution?

I get it. Some will say I am a Polly Anna wanting to live in a Utopian world. Maybe. Thanks Okay.

But still, I wonder…..

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